I may not know where I am going, but I know where I've been

I know I said that my Nebraska pictures would be my next post but tonight God did something for me and I am compelled to share it.
A little over a month ago, just when I thought facebook could not bring me any more blasts from my past, I got a friend request from Julie. I was thrilled. Julie and I were friends in middle school and high school and although I had seen her at our reunion we had lost touch since. We made a date to get our kids together to play at a park, allowing us to catch up. We had so much to talk about that we ran out of time and promised to get together without kids as soon as we were both back from vacation. Tonight we met for dinner in Salem. Julie brought notes from high school that the two of us had written. Oh my. I picked up the first one and could only get through the first paragraph. It was too painful and funny at the same time! There was my handwriting, my "i"s dotted with circles, leading off the notes with "howz it going" and ending them with "I gotta jam". There were many "BFF"s in there as well. As the meal went on I was able to read a few more and Julie and I helped each other (mostly her helping me even though I had written most of the notes) in remembering the last name of the people that we were writing about that were so important at the time that we didn't have to include their last name. It is a wonder that I learned anything in class since some of the notes were almost novels. I would say that they were about 95% about boys and 3% about clothes and 2% about food. They were folded in every creative way that you can imagine. I was taken with how direct and brutally honest I was back then. I was also tickled to see what I considered a crisis to be. Julie reminded me of things I had long forgotten. Things that I had done and said that only she would have remembered. This might not seem like an extraordinary meeting to you, and on the surface I guess it wasn't. But see, this summer I have been wondering and asking the Lord a lot about where I am going. What He has for me and when He has it. I am in a waiting time that is rich but also a little scary and disheartening. God is good. God is the ruler of the universe. God does not owe me an answer to my questions. But God loves me and He is creative in His communication with me. Tonight He did not anwer the question of where I am going but He did graciously show me where I have been. I met myself to some extent in the pages of those notes and in my remembering with Julie. In one of the notes I had even written her some scripture, which sounds really mature until you read what it says in the rest of the note! Julie took me back to a different time and in all of the stories that we talked about I can see God's hand. In catching up with each other about what has happened since we last really talked I see a glimpse of the journey. Julie has known me for 21 years. She was there for some of the greatest moments of my young life and she listened to me and supported me through some of my very lowest moments as well. I was thanking God for that on my way home and recognizing His hand in bringing her back into my life (He can even use facebook!), when I realized that as many times as Julie was there for me, so was Jesus. Julie was there for the aftermath of poor decisions or glorious joys, but Jesus was on the scene before she got there and long after my conversation with her had ended. He saw it all. Julie knew me back then. Jesus knew me long before then. Somehow that gave me great comfort. Because He gave me a chance to recount His faithfulness to me in the past, I am able to relax a little about the future.
There is one more thing though, that really touched me tonight. I enjoyed my time with Julie so much because even though it has been years since we spent regular time together I feel like she really knows me. Warts and all. And there is something amazing about being known. Tonight in these quiet moments that I am writing God had impressed upon me how well I am known by Him. It is an intimate, thrilling feeling to me. It is a feeling that my spirit can recline in and find rest. He knew me then, He loved me then, He guided me then. I know He is doing the same now.